This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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