I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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