i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
