guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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