i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize