What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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