I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is wine microwaveable?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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