Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
