Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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