You can't special order awesome
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize