she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
