shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
