Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
