He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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