we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
