kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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