anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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