Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
