Do you still have your period?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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