Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
