you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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