I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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