Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
