today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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