she kept yelling 'call me bella'
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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