bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
