we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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