I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
