i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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