she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
