i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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