so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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