that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
