I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
