omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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