it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
