dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
