Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
