someone threw a dead crab at me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
