the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
