Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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