At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
