As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
