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My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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