Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
