No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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