I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
