Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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