I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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