Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
