made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
