I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize