hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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