Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
