grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
