I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
