I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
