Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
