I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
