a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
