My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize