yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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