Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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