in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
