We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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