If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
