it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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