Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
