That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
