So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
