If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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