You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
