hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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