Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
