One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
