Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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