The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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