Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
