No stitches, just platelets and will power
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
