What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
