My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize