I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
